“A is for AWESOME, B is for BEAUTIFUL and E is for EXCEPTIONAL,” I shouted at the top of my lungs. I was on the last leg of the Morro Bay Triathlon and needed major encouragement. To have the confidence and freedom to shout positive affirmations while charging full speed toward the finish line has been a challenging road to find. You see, for 30 years I never felt good enough. I constantly compared myself to others and created such awful negative self-talk. I became a bully who relentlessly tormented and taunted my psyche. I, for 10 years, resorted to self-harm through anorexia and bulimia. I even blamed myself for being raped in college. I could never catch a break.
“H is for HEALING!”
This dark dungeon of a life was all I knew, and it wasn’t until I met my husband, my red-headed prince charming, when I slowly began to realize I had been a beast of burden for so many years. Molded to seek perfection and anything short of flawless was not an option. Taught to believe and see life, others and myself through a twisted and unforgiving lens. Dysfunction and trauma had been passed down generationally.
“L is for LOVING!”
These boulders, chains and skeletons were not my own and I had been carrying them unknowingly with open arms. Can you imagine hauling this around? Maybe you can relate. Maybe you carry or have carried these same burdens.
“O is for OPTIMISTIC!”
This last year I have tirelessly worked to cast these shackles away forever, but it is a battle. Some days it feels more like a full-fledged war. It is a struggle no one should ever have to endure. It can be gruesome and relentless. But it doesn’t have to be like this forever. The world around you might not change, but you can change.
“S is for SURVIVOR!”
You, too, can find a path to a healthier life. Search your soul, cry it out, scream into a pillow, journal until your hand cramps, regularly meet with a therapist, take a walk through the park, surround yourself with good healthy people, shout positive affirmations for the world to hear, do whatever you need to feel good enough again. You are good enough. You have always been good enough and you will always be good enough.
You don’t have to be a beast of burden anymore. Free yourself and live the life you want. Be free my friend.
And for the record, shouting positive affirmations from A to Z is what my soul, mind and spirit needed. I finished the triathlon!
“V is for VICTORIOUS!”
Along with shouting positive affirmations, I raised $1,450 for a fabulous organization called Peace Over Violence. POV provides emergency response, intervention services and prevention services to survivors of domestic and sexual violence in the Los Angeles County area. Awesome organization that has been helping survivors for over 46 years!